I caught my reflection in the mirror the other day, and
stood for a minute with tears streaming down my face, looking into my eyes
wondering where I had gone, who was I? I felt like a shell of a person. 5 years
of being a stay at home mum had taken its toll - I don't even remember who I am,
and who I used to be is long forgotten. It's not often that I let down my guard
and talk about how I am really feeling, and I am never keen on sympathy, but sometimes we need to share and let
each other know that we are not alone. We all have our struggles and at this
time in my life this is mine - I am a stay at home mum, I have lost all sense
of who I am, and who I am supposed to be now that my little cherubs are growing
up - and I realize I am going to have to attempt to find a new me!
As I look in the mirror all I can see is the Label 'mum' and
'housewife' and though I am truly grateful that I have been able to spend my
days nurturing and teaching my beautiful children, I am so so tired of being
just 'mum & housewife'. My eyes look drained, my hair is a mess, my body is
out of shape and all I want is a day without the demands of children and the
constant hollering down the hallway and tugs at my clothing. And I feel so defeated, join this with recently turning 30 and wondering where
the time has gone and what I have achieved - my mind is bombarded with questions as to why
I do not feel like my life is full.
Organized Chaos was formed as a way for me to take control
of my life and put myself out there, but my motivation is so low, and I
struggle to find the energy each day to put something into it. Keeping up with
deadlines is no longer my strong point as living with kids nothing is ever 'on
time' and everything is Chaos! Life has been so overwhelming!
After dwelling on this for a few days I look at my cheeky
face miss 5 and that is when I realized that I need to be living my life the
way I would encourage my children to live. Do I want them to be thirty and be
looking in the mirror wondering what they have been doing all their life. Nope
- I want them to look back on 30 years of making the most of each day, living
life inspired and motivated, and looking forward to the days ahead and not
wishing their days away.
I want to acknowledge all of the mums out there, being a
mother is one of the most selfless jobs of all time, you give and you give and
you give, and I want to tell you it's ok if you feel run down and at a loss as
to who you are - or even who you used to be. Try to take a little time each day
to do something just for you, write yourself notes and remind yourself of who
'you' are, stand in front of a mirror and speak life back into your soul and
surround yourself with people who will do the same.
‘My’ journey is just beginning and hopefully good things
await me and how ever overwhelming it might be I am going to look myself in the
mirror each day and tell myself I am more than just a mum, and start to search
my eyes for something else that I know is within me.
Be kind to yourself Mamas, it is never too late to let go of
all of your worries and search for something bright and new xxoo
Dani
